3 clients

[AdmiralPiet]

@Labaal

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[Shocker]

I think this was a rather visceral look at the world of prostitution, and I enjoyed reading your story quite a bit.

[Shocker]

I think this was a rather visceral look at the world of prostitution, and I enjoyed reading your story quite a bit.

Thanks a lot if I may ask what part of the story did you like the most
In terms of 1) spice
2)story
3) characterization

I liked how you started Sam out all jaded, though I think you need to check the line about her body being all math, I have a strong feeling there is something missing for that sentence to fully work. Sam evidently doesn’t mind how she serves clients, as long as she gets paid, also having clear rules on overtime payments. Yet this story takes her from somebody accepting the use of her body, to a victim entirely at the mercy of the werwolf.

What makes the story a bit odd, is that she has no safety net in place, I’m aware that this is necessary for this story to work. But ultimately that is what pimps do provide, Sam might work entirely on her own, but that would make her a prime target for a repetition of the events in this story.

I think the story has quite a lot of spice going, but I would be amiss to not point out that there are some jarring changes in speed in the story. Getting Sam on her Back and sans panties takes 30 seconds. Which is clearly the sign of a domineering and impatient man, yet he then stops to lick her for a few minutes, rather halfhearted. Either he enjoys eating her out, then I would have expected that part to be more intense and ferocious based on his characterization, or he doesn’t care for it but then he wouldn’t even start it.

When it comes to characterization, I largely like what you have done, it wouldn’t have hurt getting a little bit more insight into Sam, as things to begin to unrail for her. But what you did is good.

[RapeU]

It's interesting to see Mark from RC appear in another writer's story. I've used Mark in two different stories myself, and his extreme behavior feels right on the nose here, especially given that he knows Sam doesn't really have anywhere to turn or anyone likely to help her.

There were a few formatting things that were different and unique. I'm not used to strikethrough text in stories and the word "knew" slightly hovering from the rest of the line was interesting. Personally I don't know whether or not I like it, but I will say that it does the job well and I think you should keep doing it this way to preserve your unique style.

At the end of Chapter 2, I find myself wondering what happens to Sam next rather than simply wondering what the next client will be like, and I think that's a good sign for the direction the story is heading.

[Claire]

Both Mark as well as the strike-through formatting feel familiar.

I'm curious. Why was it important to you to use Mark for this particular story? I like the general idea of the story. I think the number of stories we have on the board that use prostitutes as victims is rather low. That might genuinely be an interesting angle to take. What would being raped be like for a prostitute who usually feels in control during her job? I just wonder what Mark adds to this particular story compared to any random client who goes crazy?

I like the 3 client structure you're going for. Client number 2 was already a bit of a surprise. Chapter 2 is also more comfortable to read because of the formatting. Chapter 1 can steer a bit into wall of text territory occasionally.

[Lucius]

1) spice

There is quite a lot. I'd like to note the coitus inter mammas ending in bukkake. Yeah, the story is hot.

2)story

So far it goes well, not sure where the plot leads Sam. The text really needs editing, it's hurricane-y in places.

3) characterization

I wanted to say Mark feels OOC, but then again he might well snap after the events of RC. Robert is believable, and Sam more so -- I like the portrayal of a disillusioned working girl. I have a weakness for stories involving prostitution.

[TromboneDalek]

Absolutely love the juxtaposition between client 1 and client 2. Intrigued to see what client 3 will bring!