My Dearest Mirror

[Claire]

@Vela Nanashi I was wondering whether you would like this one. Writing first person present-tense I consider Vela-bait. But I thought the story might feel too real for you. On the other hand, the story does have a happy end!

Sorry for so few words, I am swept up in his caresses and trying to explain to her how beautiful all of her is to him

So the shorter a Vela-comment is, the more you liked the story?

I like your little mundane sort of details like this:

(...)

It helps make the characters so much more real.

Thank you! It's nice to see someone notice small details like that.

And you did have me guessing throughout the story. I was sure the other partner was a woman!

And here I thought that the remembered dialogue line

“Uhh… I don’t know, I never noticed. Which one’s the bigger one…?”

would give it away.

[AdmiralPiet]

@Claire:
Difficult one to judge.
I would say: Very well written story, but I am not the right audience (?)

From the technical standpoint it is on the level I expect from you.
As others have mentioned: You think of small details to give it depht.
She also reminds me of someone close to me that also has times where the body dysmorphia kicks in and she really dislikes her appearance, despite being objectively a beautiful woman.
But then there are also times where she is like: "I am a sexy bitch, yeah!"
That really shows how you are able to build believable characters.

But for me, this was too much mind and feeling, instead of actual things happening.
Hard to describe.

[Claire]

But for me, this was too much mind and feeling, instead of actual things happening.
Hard to describe.

I think for me that's not even a distinction I'm making. Describing a feeling or a thought is as much something happening in a story to me as saying "character A went to place B and did thing C there". But I get that the story is not for everyone. Its erotic charge comes from emotional intimacy and the meaning of the actions, not from "this hits my favorite kink", "they are doing it in my favorite position" or "this character looks like my dream guy/girl".

But then there are also times where she is like: "I am a sexy bitch, yeah!"

Good for her!

[Colin Piper]

The protagonist does not like the look of her body in the mirror - something a lot of us can identify with. This poor body image may be responsible for her being unable to come when she masturbates. Her partner suggests she come over and get naked on his bed while he's in the shower. He comes out and begins touching her, reassures her about how attractive she is, and ultimately makes her come as if she was doing it herself.

So, it panned out just as I expected it would from the beginning. No great surprise. And it's written in the second person.

Okay, I'm being mean, because I've highlighted some aspects that would normally make me say "meh!". Yet, this one still has something going for it. The quality of the writing is good. This line was particularly effective, I found:

“If you removed her hands from her body, you wouldn’t want them to hold you anymore. If it were just her breasts lying in your bed, you wouldn’t want them to be your pillow.”

Okay, overall there may not be a huge deal at stake (debatable maybe?), but a good story.

[Claire]

@Colin Piper Thanks for the feedback! For the stories you do enjoy more than this one, consider giving them a rating. It helps the forum a lot!

reassures her about how attractive she is

That actually misses the point of the story.

And it's written in the second person.

It's written in first person. But the first person narrator adresses another person as "you" in her thoughts. Second person would mean that the narrator adresses the reader as "you". We don't have many second person stories on the forum, but if you want to see the difference, check out: You

[Colin Piper]

It's written in first person. But the first person narrator adresses another person as "you" in her thoughts. Second person would mean that the narrator adresses the reader as "you".

My mistake, and perhaps you can see why I made it?

You begin to repeat the same touch but with one difference. You let me hear your voice.

“You are at home, in your apartment, on your bed. Nothing in this room truly matters to you, nothing but the woman before you.”

You talk as slowly as your fingers move over my face again.

“Looking at her, you have this weird thought.”

Once more do I feel your fingers drag my lip with them.

“You don’t believe that perfection exists.” {...}

I get the impression of the main first-person story acting as a frame narrative for the above. The "I" character tells the story from the beginning, in which they also refer to the other character. The other character, from the point I've quoted above onwards, then becomes the narrator, as indicated by the quotation marks, and tells another story within the main story, that only uses "you".

It creates, to me at least, a feeling of the POV or perspective becoming mixed or hybrid: a second-person story within a first-person story, book ended or demarcated between "You let me hear your voice" and “Okay… you’re yourself now again. Don’t imagine being me anymore." That demarcation seems, and I guess is, deliberate. What makes it less obviously a second or nested narrative is it dips in and out; in with a line of the "you" dialogue, back out with a line of the original "I" inner monologue, in again, and so on.

But this may be going too deep into a POV/perspective discussion for the sake of one entry in a contest.

And thanks for the reminder about rating, I wasn't sure about the reputation needed to do that.

[RapeU]

And thanks for the reminder about rating, I wasn't sure about the reputation needed to do that.

Anyone can rate a story. Higher reputation just gives you more availability to spend within a certain time frame. Also the amount of rep you can give always consistently regenerates (12 hours I think?) so don't be afraid of running out

[Claire]

@Colin Piper Of course I can see where the impression comes from. And me playing with povs here is of course intentional. The experiment in the story is trying to use her own empathy to get her to adopt the perspective of her partner in an attempt to teach her to take a more holistic view of her body and herself in general instead of dissecting herself into pieces. Choosing first person present tense as the baseline is the most intimate pov you can choose to put a reader in your character's shoes. Having her address her partner as you puts you directly into her relationship with him. And him asking her to imagine she's him and then narrating his thoughts and feelings in second person in his dialogue to her while she integrates that into her I-You internal conversation mimics the experiment for the reader he's trying to get her to participate in. So all of that flirting with second person is not random.

But from a purely technical perspective, this is first person. And I'm not saying that to be pedantic but because we have a contest coming up in June that specifically requires authors to write their stories in second person. And I don't want anybody to think: "Oh, I liked what Claire did in that Mirror story! I'll try that for the contest!" only to then get disqualified for actually writing a first person and not a second person narrator.

And thanks for the reminder about rating, I wasn't sure about the reputation needed to do that.

None at all. You have what's called a reputation power that limits how much rating points you can give over the course of 12 hours. Each user starts with 6 points. They regenerate every 12 hours. For every 5 reputation points you gain, your reputation power increases by 1. You get a bunch of additional reputation power when you become a Pillar of the Community. And you max out at a reputation power of 40 when you reach a reputation of 100.

The idea behind that is two-fold. First, members with a high reputation get to influence the ratings of stories more. Second, it's a security measure that prevents trolls from registering and screwing up all the ratings by just rating everything.

Also, if you ever find yourself wanting to rate a story 2 or 3 points but you have only 1 left, don't worry. Ratings can be upgraded at any time.

Thank you for rating this story btw and...

But this may be going too deep into a POV/perspective discussion for the sake of one entry in a contest.

On the contrary, that is exactly what this forum is for. Even if this is not your favorite story, if it sparks an in depth conversation about perspectives like this, then this is a good thing in my book. Talking about stories on a craft level here is very welcome!