Men at War

[Nightlight10]

I wanted to let you know that I really enjoyed the amount of character you were able to give Jacob, and the hints at world building.

It does a good job of setting the scene and drawing you into the action.

[Claire]

I wanted to let you know that I really enjoyed the amount of character you were able to give Jacob, and the hints at world building.

It does a good job of setting the scene and drawing you into the action.

Thank you so much to take the time to register just to leave this comment. It means a lot, especially on a forum this young with few active users. I contemplated the idea to write a prequel to this that shows the beginnings of the Men at War group. But I wasn't sure whether I'd be able to pull that off. But the world building is something I think I would enjoy to get deeper into.

Was this the first time you read the story or did you by any chance read it on RavishU already?

[Nightlight10]

I wanted to let you know that I really enjoyed the amount of character you were able to give Jacob, and the hints at world building.

It does a good job of setting the scene and drawing you into the action.

Thank you so much to take the time to register just to leave this comment. It means a lot, especially on a forum this young with few active users. I contemplated the idea to write a prequel to this that shows the beginnings of the Men at War group. But I wasn't sure whether I'd be able to pull that off. But the world building is something I think I would enjoy to get deeper into.

Was this the first time you read the story or did you by any chance read it on RavishU already?

I stumbled across it on RavishU, but hadn't found the time to give it a proper read.

I think a prequel could be fascinating. The logistics of how they are pulling these attacks off, who and how they gathered as well as the initial stumbles would be fun to see explored.

[LaLia]

Better late than never, or what was it...

In Chapter 3, you actually wonderfully addressed a topic that's probably been around for several generations, and about which we women probably all have different opinions. Do you like it so you don't have to run to the bathroom afterwards? Do you swallow or not? Do you do it so you don't get stains on the sheets, or why is it even attractive on your face? And just as well, men will probably have their own thoughts on every possibility. The comedy factor was there, but I thought the sexual aspect came more into focus here. The explanations were, of course, really great, the whole situation was well described, and as absurd and far-fetched as it all sounds, it comes across as incredibly authentic.

How did you actually come up with this story? So, what inspired you? There are certain movies with games of this kind that are shown on the dark web, and exorcism is also a popular film theme.

The fourth part is also surprising in that you focus much more on the act, which is something you don't usually do much. You feel good about the situation here, even without much storytelling, I think. The chat comments in between are a certain bonus.

One thing... you write "a Black man and an Indian." Am I thinking too much about the German translation? I would have preferred "An African man" instead of a Black man, but that's just a side note.

[Claire]

How did you actually come up with this story? So, what inspired you?

I think I mentioned before that somebody commented on Record Chaser that they thought this story was headed for a livestream scenario. I never considered the idea until then, but when I first read that I thought that this had some potential. From there, the idea to mimic the dynamic of a popular Twitch stream wasn't that far off. That was the first thing that set the grotesque tone of the story.

Up to this point, I had written two stories: Record Chaser and An Unfortunate Misstep. Both are heavy on introspective narration, as most of my writing is. Now I wanted to challenge myself. What if I kept the narration brief and instead let the dialogue do the heavy lifting? Would I be able to pull that off? From that idea of Jimmy the commentator who interacts with the chat and directs the scene was born.

And finally I asked myself, how do I make this story not boring? I could turn these men into cruel psychopaths, like in most stories, who just enjoy raping a woman. That would be boring. But what if I gave them an ideology that they actually believed in? And so I decided that they were men's rights activists that glorify Jordan Peterson. With that the satirical tone for the story was locked in. Terms like exorcism or them calling themselves Men at War was than just terminology that I felt sounded appropriate for how they viewed what they were doing.

While writing the first chapter, I stumbled over this moment when Jerome has his emotional breakdown. I liked the contrast between the horror that these men inflicted upon women and the way tey were so openly vulnerable and supportive of each other. The joke of course being that if men treated each other like that we would likely see much less rapes and violence in general. These guys are, in the way they treat each other, the perfect example for what healthy masculinity looks like - but this is completely gone when they rape women. And the absurdity of that contrast made me laugh and I wondered: How far can I take that joke?

And this culminates in the scene where all these men comfort Jacob while he overcomes his trauma of women not liking his sperm - at the cost of gang raping a woman into a dissociative broken shell of a human being. These two things in contrast are so dumb that I just find it hilarious.

But anyway, that is how this story ultimately became what it was.

The fourth part is also surprising in that you focus much more on the act, which is something you don't usually do much.

Interesting, I thought that some readers might think that I tend to describe the act in excessive detail. Whereas many rape scenes are over in a couple of paragraphs, it feels to me like I'm often spending pages on one rape scene.


Thank you for the detailed comment, Lia, it's much appreciated!

edit:

One thing... you write "a Black man and an Indian." Am I thinking too much about the German translation? I would have preferred "An African man" instead of a Black man, but that's just a side note.

Forgot that part for a moment. From what I understand, it is commen in the US to refer to African Americans as Black without that being considered racist. But if I am wrong here, I'd change that. I am not claiming that I am familiar with all the nuances of American culture and if that is considered racist, I'd of course change the text.

[LaLia]

Actually, this organization could be used even further for additional stories. In a sense, it begins in the middle of the story, but there would also be a backstory, and further fantasy is possible. This defeminization theme still has potential.

The topic of black...maybe that's the case for me as a German, because we're extremely concerned about it. You're not allowed to say "Zigeunerschnitzel" here anymore either.

[peterfrisk]

Claire, you should definitely write a prequel but not only that, you should contemplate to make a sequel too. This story definitely has something worth expanding to greatness.

After I finished reading I was left with a lot of curious questions, how did this “band” find each other? How do they plan for an attack and was there ever any snafus along the way? The backstory of the four women and if they ever been in a more active role? Just a few examples, my point is that this can be expanded without feeling repetitive.

Before I go, I want to give extra thumbs up for the fluffer scene in the story. Not only was it well written, it was also surprising.

[Claire]

Claire, you should definitely write a prequel but not only that, you should contemplate to make a sequel too. This story definitely has something worth expanding to greatness.

After I finished reading I was left with a lot of curious questions, how did this “band” find each other? How do they plan for an attack and was there ever any snafus along the way? The backstory of the four women and if they ever been in a more active role? Just a few examples, my point is that this can be expanded without feeling repetitive.

Before I go, I want to give extra thumbs up for the fluffer scene in the story. Not only was it well written, it was also surprising.

Hey Peter, thank you for the kind words. And I thought about both a prequel and a sequel already. And I could not agree more with you, I would love to go deeper into the lore here. But to this day, I'm not sure whether I can pull that off. I think I told @LaLia already that there is this one joke underlying the whole story - the contrast between their absurd, cruel ideology and the wholesomeness and open vulnerability with which they treat each other - and I wanted to see for how long I could keep that funny. And I am not trying to be coy (well, maybe a little...), but I am not sure whether I have the abiliy to keep that absurd satirical tone going any longer without it feeling redundant. I think it's possible, but I truly think I am not good enough as a writer to pull that off. Maybe someone with more experience writing like a @Nickamano or @John_F_Drake could pull that off, but for me: I feel like I've really reached the limit of my (current) ability when I finished writing this. That makes the idea of writing a sequel or a prequel so daunting for me.

Oh, and I would appreciate a rating for the story, that is for the very first post, a lot.

[LaLia]

@peterfrisk @Claire

But I thought so too, that there was more to the story...either the beginning or how it continues. Imagine if the Men of War actually gained influence. A party that could pass laws, perhaps? How would things change in everyday life? Would we end up back in a time when women's rights weren't valued much?

[riffraff]

I love how over the top misogynistic you made these guys, that was some great comedy. I'd argue that in some way they're even scarier than simple psychopaths. The ideological framework in which this group operates in is very prominent in real life and social media right now, so that makes it more relatable to me. Like for me it's more likely to meet a frustated 'men's right-activist', who eventually starts raping women than meeting a super evil psychopath stalker rapist.

Also it almost read like a satirical modern retelling of the male dynamic in literary circles during the 19th century, those were basically 'safe spaces' just for men. Anyways you got a few chuckles out of me.