Sorceresses Surprise - Gang Rape Galore

[Vela Nanashi]

I dabble in the darker themes, but they are not ever my main focus of a story, so many of my stories may have a non con element, while many other people find that the vital core, not sure I make sense here

[Verbal13]

I appreciate your writing style, I must admit I am not used to reading the fantasy/magic genre, but it opened my mind. I skimmed and enjoyed reading. thanks for your pains


Verbal13

[Vela Nanashi]

I almost exclusively write fantasy/magic or scifi, sometimes combining both. So if you want to explore more and you like how I write hopefully you can find others stories of mine that are fun to read.

Thanks for your comment

[Claire]

Congratulations on becoming our 4th accomplished writer! Much deserved!

[Vela Nanashi]

Thanks unexpected for me, but I am happy

[Blue]

@Vela Nanashi

I used to be a huge fan of science fiction stories.
At some point, my interest in them faded.

It's fantastic that I've found such a great story here, of all places, that has reawakened my interest in this genre.

[Vela Nanashi]

Glad you enjoyed this story @Blue You may enjoy some of my other ones too maybe that are fantasy and or scifi I think many of them share the intensity even if not all of them are non con

[SoftGameHunter]

Okay, this is a good one. And while pregnancy fetish isn't really a thing for me, I like both the concept and term eldritch heat for a kind of genetic mixing like that. It's just a good literary term that hints at how horrible the process would be.

[Vela Nanashi]

Glad you enjoyed it I do often do the pregnancy thing, but I hope I also do a lot of intense sexy stuff too

[AdmiralPiet]

@Vela Nanashi
I had shelved this since it came out, and meant to read it ever since. (sent it to my Kindle, perhaps that is the way to read more stories here)
Struggled a bit with the rating but after all I gave it a +2. Even though I have quite some critique and it wasn't really for me I think it is deserved.

You are certainly creative in your writing. The portals within the body are certainly something I wouldn't have thought about.
Having the mindflayer show what is happening does elegantly simplify this since it is writen in first person. Some might say too easily.
The world you build has great potential for further craziness.

It does not hit a nerve though for some reasons:
It is too much at once. Orcs in three flavours, elves, mindflayers, humans I guess too. Magic stuff, crystals, portals of different kinds. It is all very colourfull.
I like the idea of magic to alter the body, but I dislike the fantasy worlds where magic can just conjure up things out of thin air.

I had some trouble following what was happening and I think you could improve the structure of your texts

I smell my own pussy and Sapphira's on the fingers of the blue orc leader as he caresses my face, then he starts to caress my ears in a way too perfect way, making me fall against him, he is naked now, and I feel him slide his cock down my back, painting me with precum, and then he slips between my butt cheeks and between my wet pussy lips and lifts me with his cock, he makes a jerking motion and I feel his cock head slip between my two breasts held together, as his huge hot balls slip between my inner thighs, I feel the cuffs on my legs and arms undo and I reach up to caress his neck and face with my trembling hands as I moan and I spread and fold my legs and start to caress his balls with my feet, and I gyrate as best I can with my pussy against his cock and he makes me have a really intense ear orgasm.

This sentence here for example.
It has 170 words. Two of these and you can post thema as their own story here. English is not well suited for such long sentences, and this one is espacially long. From its structure too, it should have been several sentences.

In this case you used the word slip three times in quick succession.

I read it several times, but I do not manage to picture how his cock slides over her back, ass, pussy and breast in one go, or in what position they are. Similar with the magic cuffs. A lot is happening but I find it hard to follow it all.

As for the reactions the girls exhibit, especially from a first person view it is too little.
The master is a mindflayer, not a "gentle mind modifier". For someone facing the horror of being robbed of freedom, raped, perhaps tortured, eaten, magically modified against their will, being used as a broodmother for eldritch abominations and having their minds flayed they seem entirely too calm. Not to mention seeing their lovers broken too.

The ending scene I did not get. What was the purpose in the bigger picture?

I know this critique sounded very harsh, but overall you did a good job, with quite some potential, it just isn't my style I guess.