Dear Diary

[Claire]

If the chapters are not named, one could write the rapist part more ambiguous. Maybe never refering to actual rape, but him hyping himself up to do "it", and it could maybe come of as the boyfriend being nervous. Only towards the end the earlier chapter would then suddenly make sense in another way.

Yes, that could work I think. I wanted chapter 3 to be really clear that it is not Frank's pov we're reading. And once you realize that it's not Frank, most people will naturally ask the question where Frank was. That was the intended effect on the reader. If the reader keeps thinking that it acually might be Frank, then there would be no tension left. But a last minute twist like what you suggest has its own charm.


@R.R.Ryan Thank you for the praise! I agree with you that the chance that the rapist will be caught is 0. First, Frank would have to tell the truth. But even if he did, the rapist has literally no connection to the victim. The only thing they could tell the police is that he is a man with a similar build as Frank's. That's not a lot to go on.

Btw, if you like a story, it's much appreciated if you give it a positive rating, just like I rated your comment. You rate a story by rating the first post of a thread. And I don't mean that just for my stories, but for all stories. You can rate stories with 1 to 3 points depending on how much you like it. And once a story reaches a rating of 30, it becomes a Popular Story that will be moved from the Public Stories board to the Popular Stories board. So rating stories you like spares them the fate of fading into obscurity as they sink into the depths of page 2 or even higher than that.

[Claire]

Chapter 1: The Witness

There is some science that has shown that seeing scenes of forced sex will get a lot of women wet, I think that may be a survival thing, better to get ready just in case you are next. Also her inability to do what she may think is right is a normal fear response too. I don't know exactly where they were, but it is unlikely that she could have prevented the rape even if she called the police immediately when she saw the man have a knife, and yeah probably would not have been able to team up to stop him either, still calling the police and staying out of view would have maybe caught the dude, then again response time of police almost everywhere is several minutes, and most men don't last that long. I can understand why she feels guilty though.

Well, the point is, she uses fear as an excuse for doing nothing. Ultimately, she didn't act because she wanted to see it. But you're right hat many people would freeze in that situation and most people would understand it if se told them that she wa scared. But she herself knows the true reason why she didn't do anything.

Ah consensual non consent with a lover, interesting

Sounds like she enjoyed herself at least I think I am feeling a bit too detached by the setting though, a diary being written is to me usually a way to document the past, rather than truly living in the moment, but I think you have written this well.

I know you like present tense narration. But the diary format made that impossible. It was a bit of a balancing act for me into how much detail I could go. In a diary, you wouldn't describe what happened the same way a usual first or third person narrator does in a story. A sentence like "I felt his cock thrust into me over and over again, each time reaching a little deeper." doesn't fit the broad trokes narration you usually see in a diary. So I focused more on the highlights that a person might actually recount later on.

Chapter 3: The Rapist

Interesting twist, not actually Frank?

Overly cautious and leaving genetic material behind does not compute to me I don't think I understand the complaint that her cunt was not dry

Maybe I'm underestimating the police. But unless they have some other reason to uspect him in the first place, I don't think they wil just randomly test für his DNA. And since he has no connection whatsoever to the victim, I think the risk for him to get caught is low. His biggest risk was probably to do this in public in the first place.

Chapter 4: The Partner

Oh ok Frank did not tell Diane he was not the one who fucked her. I suppose he might be right that not telling her is sparing her mental anguish, but I am not sure that really is the best idea, and I can also see him feeling sort of exchangeable if she was unable to tell it was not him, like each man has his own scent and cocks tend to have differences too, in their curve and stuff, though I guess she did not see him. But she should have felt him.

I mean, the entire scenario is of course a bit contrived but I guess that's true for many stories. I thought about including a detail that something felt different than usual in Diane's diary but I feared that would give the twist away too easily. In my view, what ever difference she might have noticed, she might have attributed to the unusual circumstances. She was very excited and outdoor rape role play is a new experience for her. But her not realizing it was a different man requires some suspension of disbelief, I agree.

[Vile8r]

I really enjoyed the multi- POV aspect of this story. The twist in Chapter 3 certainly caught me by surprise. Frankly, I thought that a real rapist might come into play after Frank had fucked her, with her thinking it was still Frank, then finding out afterward that it was not him!

But either way, the story worked and I thought it to be well-done.

[Claire]

I really enjoyed the multi- POV aspect of this story. The twist in Chapter 3 certainly caught me by surprise. Frankly, I thought that a real rapist might come into play after Frank had fucked her, with her thinking it was still Frank, then finding out afterward that it was not him!

But either way, the story worked and I thought it to be well-done.

Glad I could surprise you. That's an interesting alternative story you thought of. But for this to be a Rashomon style story the different POVs have to describe the same event. So for a second man to join the fun you would have to describe that at least in chapter 2 already. So that would require some rewriting of chapter 2 to make this work, but it could definitely be done!

[JTCK]

@Claire wrote:

What about you? You read a lot by now and you clearly appreciate the storytelling aspect of the stories, not just the sex. The only reason I ever started writing was that I felt that the kind of story I'm writing now was missing on RavishU. I had never witten any piece of fiction before I started writing Record Chaser in October last year. Aren't you itching for that one story you would love to read but nobody seems to be writing? I really think you should give it a shot. I would love to be your first reader!

Actually, I’ve been thinking about it, and I do have ideas for one or two stories that, at least the way I imagine them, I haven’t come across before.
Unfortunately, I’m still missing two things: time and, above all, the talent for writing...
But we’ll see — maybe I’ll actually give it a try someday.

[Claire]

Actually, I’ve been thinking about it, and I do have ideas for one or two stories that, at least the way I imagine them, I haven’t come across before.
Unfortunately, I’m still missing two things: time and, above all, the talent for writing...
But we’ll see — maybe I’ll actually give it a try someday.

Forget about talent, 99% of us here are amateurs anywhere. Hit me up with a PM if you want to share your ideas with someone!

[Lucius]

Nicely constructed, although I could guess that the penetrator wasn't her lover -- the twist was altogether too inviting.

Lying seems natural in this situation... almost wrote 'in a situation like this', but thankfully few of them are similar enough to draw a general rule. Not 'traumatiz[ing] her potentially for years to come' outweighs any burden of silence. It's not too hard, I think -- hell, I myself have a few secrets I'm not going to disclose! Not that anyone cares either way.

[skuttrusk]

Oh this was great! The plot twist is diabolically brilliant and I like the moral quandary at the end (but it should be obvious: don't tell her). I was wondering how you'd make four POVs work and have each advance the story and be surprising, but you did it beautifully.

[Vile8r]

I really enjoyed the multi- POV aspect of this story. The twist in Chapter 3 certainly caught me by surprise. Frankly, I thought that a real rapist might come into play after Frank had fucked her, with her thinking it was still Frank, then finding out afterward that it was not him!

But either way, the story worked and I thought it to be well-done.

Glad I could surprise you. That's an interesting alternative story you thought of. But for this to be a Rashomon style story the different POVs have to describe the same event. So for a second man to join the fun you would have to describe that at least in chapter 2 already. So that would require some rewriting of chapter 2 to make this work, but it could definitely be done!

Yeah, I realize , to stay in the Rashomon theme of the story, that kind of twist wouldn't have fit. But the story worked fine and I really liked it. You have great storytelling talent.

[R.R.Ryan]

Congratulations, Claire the best writer won.