It's okay, I feel a little lonely, too.

[Claire]

Since the forum is closing soon, I'm migrating my stories to Archive Of Our Own (AO3) and Literotica. Read the story here:

• It's okay, I feel a little lonely, too. (AO3)

Please support the story by leaving a kudos on AO3, thanks!

[Shocker]

An interesting story, with a jarring jump from a professional relationship into her terrifying past. I think I can see what you were trying with the blending of the two colors, but it made the reading more difficult.

Welcome to the contest, and good luck.

[Claire]

An interesting story, with a jarring jump from a professional relationship into her terrifying past. I think I can see what you were trying with the blending of the two colors, but it made the reading more difficult.

Welcome to the contest, and good luck.

I'm glad you liked it. Regarding the color, we could try to do something about that. The second color is not set in stone.

To me, the issue of readability was confined to that one sentence. Originally, I wanted to use this color:

1) "He increased the intensity of his thrusts as he was nearing his climax. The overwhelming mix of pleasure and fear made her cry. Tears were streaming down her face. "

But I decided on the brighter red I'm using now in the text.

2) He increased the intensity of his thrusts as he was nearing his climax. The overwhelming mix of pleasure and fear made her cry. Tears were streaming down her face.

To me, that was a clear improvement. I thought that with this color, this part was decently readable and everything else where entire paragraphs or sentences used the same color were easily readable. Let's try this maybe.

3) He increased the intensity of his thrusts as he was nearing his climax. The overwhelming mix of pleasure and fear made her cry. Tears were streaming down her face.

Or shall we dare a little more @Vela Nanashi?

4) He increased the intensity of his thrusts as he was nearing his climax. The overwhelming mix of pleasure and fear made her cry. Tears were streaming down her face.


So I rejected version 1. I am currently using version 2. I think version 3 is a bit eaier to read. Version 4 does not seem to be an improvement to me in terms of readability. What do you think?

[Vela Nanashi]

2 and 3 are okay to read, still not great, but anyone who can't read that could maybe handle the single colour that you get if you highlight the text.

[LaLia]

Each of your stories is worth reading, and the tough competition applies to us as well. As always, it's written in detail, with a strong focus on the characters and their personalities. For my taste, though, it's quite vanilla style. It's interesting that we all took very different paths in this contest. Vela chose sci-fi, I chose fantasy/horror, and you chose the present and something realistic. I have to read Schocker's story tomorrow, but I expect it will be just as good. It would be great if more people participated in the future.

[Vela Nanashi]

Teaser, sounds like a fun client to have, also yeah if you already paid for a sex worker's services there is no need to treat them bad, unless that specifically is something you paid for, and she is providing.

Third person perspective is not best for me, but I am sure it will still be good, also it takes reading a bit into the dialog to figure out who is speaking, I may just be a little bit derpy today though

I like their chemistry

Teaser reprise.

Some cute humour too I like it (with she paying him)

It is hard for most men to resist giving beautiful women what they want, but that is also true for all beautiful people, they tend to get things for free/easier in life, but it also can have costs for them.

Yeah I imagine it can be hard to not worry if you are a relatively good/nice man. I have read a book written by a whore (she wants to reclaim the term as a positive thing to her her job is about taking care of her clients, show them love, but yeah that is another book).

Ok Lizzy that is a bit unfair, it is not wrong for him to care about you too, that could feel good as well.

Nice of him to take a shower first, like I think clients should, but not all think of it.

For a taller woman it must be nice to find a large man to match, as it always feels better in a primal way when the man you are with seems like he could protect you.

Closing his eyes to make his other senses more intense is a nice touch Also satisfying to make a man/woman make pleasure sounds, in whatever way they express themselves, as it is music to anyone's mind who cares about more than themselves, but their lover, be it a paid for one or not.

Good to see her desire him, though I am not sure what you mean about her body lying to her, I mean I know that both men and women can get ready for sex, if in danger, like even if not into the idea of rape, seeing it can make some get wet, I think it is a survival thing, to avoid taking damage, so maybe her body is lying to her that way?

Having your lover want it is hot to me, eagerness and all that

For five years (was year), not being able to come for that long must be really rough, if not being able to make that happen at all it is usually for psychological reasons, though for inexperienced people it could also be they don't know how to do it, but that is not the case here. Also she can only come when remembering some mysterious it?

Cock's jumping and dancing with excited joy is wonderful

Ah ok a first rape and forced prostitution, not sure if I read it wrong earlier, is she still in forced prostitution or doing it voluntarily these days? (though even if voluntarily it can often be that those who go into prostitution are people who were hurt and damaged in life like she sounds like she is.)

Precum brings with it some nice happy/anti depressant chemicals and hormones that also boost sexual desire slightly, not as much as cum but still some, hopefully his weeping cock will let her get there. Her riding him, controlling the pace, based on her own needs also should help her cum. He seems like the kind of guy that can enjoy a woman taking the lead in sex, some men though have to be the one fucking the woman not the other way around, I enjoy a bit of both though, both giving and taking from both sides.

She had closed his mouth over hers, I think that would read better if it read: She had closed her mouth over his. As she was doing the action

She had been in control because he let her, yeah... It is both scary and hot how powerfully and easily a man can just move a woman where he wants her, it is hot when you want it, to feel both the power yet also gentleness still, of a strong man.

Though I think maybe this is a bit unfair to him, on some level, at least if he finds out, but he might still try to help her as much as he can, but also feel bad about her reliving her rape while he was making love to her.

Her rapist was a weak man though, needing his two minions to help him?

Adding her song of pleasure to the ambiance of the whorehouse is not a bad thing for any of the clients I am sure

I don't think Richard or any man who prolongs their own pleasure to make their lover cum is doing so entirely selflessly, as I would imagine it feels good to make your lover cum for you, for real, and I also think prolonging/delaying orgasm tends to make it more intense when you finally let it happen.

Yeah that is a rough memory, and having to relive that every time she wants to come is horrifying torture. Yet clearly still worth it for her on some level. I just hope Richard can help her feel better and let her release her emotions safely, one can have such an amazing emotional cry release after a good orgasm, especially if with a good lover one feels safe with.

She shutting him out like that probably hurt him yeah...

Ok good so she is doing prostitution these days of her own volition, at least on some level.

Trying to help the young man at the end is sweet, and he was kinda cute too.

- - -

I liked the story, it can be hard to restart a story that sort of got interrupted, so I am very glad you managed to do that. I can only say I hope that Richard and Lizzy can maybe go out to dinner sometime and she can be honest with him, but that is just me injecting my saccharine hope and joy probably where it does not belong

- - -

The current choice of colours was readable for me, but I agree that the switching slowed my reading speed down a lot, the contrast of red text on black for my eyes is less than white text on black, and switching fast is even harder due to eyes having to read a less bright letter next to bright ones, but still readable for me.

- - -

Keep writing amazing stories Claire You are a good writer

---

[Claire]

Each of your stories is worth reading, and the tough competition applies to us as well. As always, it's written in detail, with a strong focus on the characters and their personalities. For my taste, though, it's quite vanilla style. It's interesting that we all took very different paths in this contest. Vela chose sci-fi, I chose fantasy/horror, and you chose the present and something realistic. I have to read Schocker's story tomorrow, but I expect it will be just as good. It would be great if more people participated in the future.

I appreciate the kind words. Regarding the competition, I have not given up hope yet that @LtBroccoli might join us.

I find it interesting that you view the story as vanilla. I assume you base that on the sexual practices depicted? I will probably never be a writer who goes into a large variety of positions, toys or sexual practices in the depiction of a rape scene, especially not in a short story. I am more interested in playing with how a scene is structured, what idea it explores, how to phrase certain descriptions. That is why I prefer to write a short story like this where present time and memory are told in parallel, mirror each other and ultimately bleed into one another. In my perception, that makes a story much more not-vanilla than any variety in the sex scenes itself ever could. It's fun for me to see that different perspective. The thought that someone might read this story and consider it vanilla never occurred to me. I really like getting feedback like this.


@Vela Nanashi I love your live commentary style feedback, it's fun. I found it particularly helpful for this story. I like to read your confusion about Lizzy's history and her inability to orgasm. That was exactly what I intended when I decided to drop feed that information to the reader rather than revealing all of it in one big exposition dump. It's nice to see something working like this. I noticed that you went into much less detail after the orgasm moment. Did that part just interest you less or where you running out of steam for your commentary?

[Vela Nanashi]

I think I was swept up in the moment there and only wrote the aftermath

[LaLia]

Hmm, translated one-to-one, does vanilla mean "standard" or "soft"? Standard sounds too negative. But you understood correctly that I was referring to the sexual aspect, and that's totally fine. I prefer an exciting story that doesn't shine with harsh practices, rather than one that's poorly written but extreme. I just wanted to say that this gives you a certain brand of your own, and that's definitely a positive thing.

[Claire]

Hmm, translated one-to-one, does vanilla mean "standard" or "soft"? Standard sounds too negative. But you understood correctly that I was referring to the sexual aspect, and that's totally fine. I prefer an exciting story that doesn't shine with harsh practices, rather than one that's poorly written but extreme. I just wanted to say that this gives you a certain brand of your own, and that's definitely a positive thing.

In a general context, I would treat vanilla as synonymous with "standard" or "default option" and I think it carries with it the connotation of "save", "not daring" and, more negative maybe, of "boring" and "bland"? Don't worry, that is not how I took your comment.