A Random Dragon Vignette

[SoftGameHunter]

Teaser: I'll be honest. I have no memory of writing this and I can't figure out why I did. But it's short and to the point (assuming there is one). I may have been drinking scotch. Enjoy.
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The author of this story has read and accepted the rules for posting stories. They guarantee that the following story depicts none of the themes listed in the Forbidden Content section of the rules.
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Title: A Random Dragon Vignette
Author: presumably it was SoftGameHunter

A Random Dragon Vignette


Once upon a time in the land of Gueliphidichia, the people lived happy and prosperous lives, selling magic clam shells to both sides in the perpetual war between the goblins and the Keebler elves. One day their serenity was disturbed by a fire breathing dragon that descended upon them from the skies above. As they ran screaming, the mighty dragon, a hundred feet long, circled over their heads.

"Give me your most beauteous maiden, bronze-skinned and voluptuous, as naked tribute or I shall rain fire down upon all your lands!" the dragon roared. "You have six hours!"

He flew off, and the panicked Gueliphidichians scrambled to find their maiden for sacrifice. Immediately everyone knew that only the stunning Indariniaphelicia, daughter of Olafudrondinkonelly, could suffice. They found her hiding in terror under the floorboards of the distillery. Quickly the people dragged her off, stripped her naked, bathed her, and chained her to a stout pole at the top of Kilamarthiacooninan's Hill, outside the capital city. From a distance they watched as the mighty dragon descended upon her.

He was clearly happy. His dragonhood was fully extended under him as he landed and approached yon fair maiden, who fought mightily, screaming in terror. "Fear not, yon maiden," the dragon said to her. "I have come to make you my dragon mate. You shall sleep on beds spun of gold and dine on the finest feasts. Wealth exceeding one hundred of the richest kingdoms will be at your disposal for the rest of your life."

"Oh. Cool!" yon fair maiden said with a broad smile.

But then, as the horrified people looked on, yon dragon while gazing into the eyes of his human female betrothed suddenly was accursed of a single hiccup. In a flash of flame and a puff of smoke, she was gone.

"Accursed Vindaloo take-out!" The dragon cried. "Why do I keep ordering their Spicy Sanchez Special? Whenever shall I learn!" And then he took off and was gone forever.

[Shocker]

Lol. It’s honestly the only appropriate answer on this quirky tale mixing so cunningly the ancient and modern.

[Claire]

It's too bad that you don't remember writing this. I wanted to ask you what inspired these names!

Also, I agree with the dragon. Vindaloo take-out is dangerous!

[SoftGameHunter]

Well, I still don't remember this. The date on the Word file is from 2017. As for the names, I'm guessing I recently watched one of the million or so fantasy-genre movies out there that enjoy the letter-salad approach to names. It would explain the vaguely faux-Celtic and Nordic sounds I threw together.

[VictimEyes]

Those hate mongering, bloodshed - for - profit, fascist war pig, child murdering terrorist, genocidal despot Keebler elves all deserve to consumed by flesh eating bacteria for the atrocities they have committed against their peace-loving Goblin neighbors!!!!!

No matter how tempting it may seem - Do NOT eat their fudge stripe hate cookies!!!!

[SoftGameHunter]

Those hate mongering, bloodshed - for - profit, fascist war pig, child murdering terrorist, genocidal despot Keebler elves all deserve to consumed by flesh eating bacteria for the atrocities they have committed against their peace-loving Goblin neighbors!!!!!

No matter how tempting it may seem - Do NOT eat their fudge stripe hate cookies!!!!

That is a literal laugh-out-loud response! I'm dying here.