An Unfortunate Misstep - Update!

[Mister X]

I like this story very much, because it is well written, short, arousing, and for me there is enough background story.

[AdmiralPiet]

@Claire
While I do understand why you are not very fond of this story by your own standards, I think you are a bit too harsh here.

I liked the depiction of the struggle and the twist in the end.
It was a clever implementation of the title.
You had me thinking it was her ex, and the other guy we didn't even know was a surprise. I think that was a good case of "subverting expectations". Some authors today seem to think that means do the most crazy/impropable/unbelievable shit you can imagine, or just do what the audience does not want. Here it came very unsuspected, but it was still possible and believable within the story. Why not?

Also his misstep. Lucky for her, but criminals make mistakes and have unfortunate accidents, as everyone does. One argument was that he might kill her now to cover it up.
But it is one thing to desire her so much that he would become a rapist. Something that propably needed some time, and self-justification before he could do it.
Another thing to make the rational decision to end her life to cover up. Also he left lots of DNA there, and next is the question: What to do with the body?

It could happen, of course. A panic reaction of course. In germany two guys kidnapped a young woman to get money from her rich dad, but they had no plan at all. So when they realised that they lost and the girl could identify them, they killed her and made it all worse for themselves.

I can easily see her recover from this and meeting him as he is led outide the courtroom after the verdict. Him being downtrodden as he looks at a bleak future, she hurt but head held high.
"Was it worth it?"

I also don't have a problem with Leah being a bit of the strong independant woman trope, and not much deeper than that. Not every character needs to be the one-in-a-billion standout.

You wrote a short, well written and easy to read rape fantasy. Mission accomplished.

[Claire]

The ending was odd. It seems like what happened to me with my story The Blowout where I couldn't come up with an ending happened here with your story.

The ending was actually what I planned from the start. If I remember correctly, that was the first thing I came up with. The mirror breaking during the early struggle is a bit of foreshadowing but I agree that the ending doesn't feel inevitable either.


@AdmiralPiet Thank you for the very detailed feedback. Usually, I would respond to that in similar detail. But all in all you are just right and I'm probably too harsh on the second story I ever wrote. And I would never criticise the story of another author this harshly. I just dislike how forgettable it is and it hurts my soul a little every time this gets attention over other stories I wrote that are just better in every dimension. That feeling hasn't gotten better ever since Misstep became my second most popular story on AO3.

[bellellella]

I get why you're a lil annoyed as a writer that this one is getting all the traction on ao3, but in my opinion one reason it's getting traction is because of its weakness as traditional fiction, not in spite of it. There's a vagueness to this one that just works?? Like there's a spectrum of victims in stories, from fully fleshed out interesting pov characters to female shaped objects that exist to be used by the male protagonist. I love the former don't get me wrong, but this sits right in the middle in an excellent way. Leah feels like enough of a real person that it's not off putting, but she has so little characterization that it's easy to imagine myself being her instead of playing her character, if that makes sense? The background also just really works for that, like I'm def not a lawyer but the story lets my actual work and life details replace hers

It's not just that, the story also just has specifics about the sex that make it feel really grounded and real in a way that works for meee

I also really like the combination of Marvin as a villain with the ending. This is probably more just a me thing but I really don't like attacker povs usually, and his anti feminist, put-her-in-her-place for daring to outdo me professionally would normally make me never return to a story. Like it's hot in the moment but it leaves me feeling gross after. But the extremely vague happy ending kinda fixes that? It lets me pretend all is right with the world by setting up justice, but also not going into details that would drag me back into the reality of how justice actually works. It's a fairly novel quality for short smut too. Revenge plot points are already rare, they usually take the form of full on novels, and even then they are more often violent than legal/moral, which is just not it for me

[Claire]

@bellellella I love your comment. Getting feedback like that is great, thank you so much.

There's a vagueness to this one that just works?? Like there's a spectrum of victims in stories, from fully fleshed out interesting pov characters to female shaped objects that exist to be used by the male protagonist. I love the former don't get me wrong, but this sits right in the middle in an excellent way. Leah feels like enough of a real person that it's not off putting, but she has so little characterization that it's easy to imagine myself being her instead of playing her character, if that makes sense?

So you're saying Leah feels detailed enough to not come across as hollow but not so detailed that you can't project yourself onto her? That's an interesting take I never considered before. I see I think what you're getting it. Maybe it's a bit like wanting to eat fastfood that isn't completely devoid of nutrition?

It's not just that, the story also just has specifics about the sex that make it feel really grounded and real in a way that works for meee

Thank you, I really like to hear that! I want (most) of my stories to feel somewhat realistic and I often cringe a little at stories that feel to over the top for me. So if I was able to hit that sweet spot for you, then that's mission accomplished.

This is probably more just a me thing but I really don't like attacker povs usually, and his anti feminist, put-her-in-her-place for daring to outdo me professionally would normally make me never return to a story.

In that case, may I recommend The Infinite Rape and It's okay, I feel a little lonely, too. to you? They are both short stories of a similar length or even shorter than Misstep but written from the victim's pov. And I'm very proud especially of the latter one. Would love to hear your thoughts!

And if you like a story, consider giving it a rating. We are a very small site and our authors can use every little bit of support they can get.

[Claire]

So, I recently began to edit the early chapters of Record Chaser and decided to do the same for An Unfortunate Misstep. Of course, polishing the prose doesn't solve the structural issues and the forgettable nature of the story. But I think this story comes now at least in nicer packaging and I can make my peace with it. I think, the entire fight sequene and the climax flow better and hit harder now, giving the story some redeeming quality. And for anyone who is curious, the original version is still readable in the spoiler atthe bottom of the intro post.