An Unfortunate Misstep - Update!

[Claire]

Teaser: She could feel his cock violently throb, pump, and expand, claiming the space inside her as its rightful property. His hot cum flooded her, filled her, and painted her in his color, while it seeped into the walls of her cunt and spread around his raging shaft.

It made her cry. For all her defiant thoughts of how she would get back at him, he had raped the proud woman out of her and reduced her to a crying girl at his mercy.
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The author of this story has read and accepted the rules for posting stories. They guarantee that the following story depicts none of the themes listed in the Forbidden Content section of the rules.

The following story is a work of fiction meant for entertainment purposes only. It depicts nonconsensual sexual acts between adults. It is in no way meant to be understood as an endorsement of nonconsensual sex in real life. Any similarities of the characters in the story to real people are purely coincidental.
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Title: An Unfortunate Misstep
Author: @Claire
My stories: Claire's Cesspool of Sin
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This is the second story I ever wrote and my first short story. I wrote this the day after I finished writing chapter 5 of Record Chaser. I remember that I felt drained after I wrote that chapter and wanted to see whether I was able to write something simple and short. The result of that thought is An Unfortunate Misstep.
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An Unfortunate Misstep


When Leah came home, she was tired and a little tipsy, but in a good mood. She went straight to her bedroom, kicked off her shoes, and then took a look at herself in the big mirror on the wall. It had been a while since she had dressed up and gone out like this. Ever since she broke up with her ex two months ago, she hadn’t been in the mood. But when her colleague Sarah invited her to join her and some coworkers from their law office for a few drinks, she had decided that it was time to dip her toes back into the single life.

For three years, she had been in a relationship, and when it ended, she had expected it to affect her more than it ultimately did. She had felt the occasional pang of loneliness since. But overall, she felt liberated.

She had moved here and given up her old job for her ex’s career. Over the last few years, her career as a divorce lawyer had really taken off. So when her ex got offered a promotion yet again, she didn’t want to move this time.

She was established in her firm, moving up the ranks, and her clients were here. Not to mention that he wanted her to move to another country this time, meaning she would have had to familiarize herself with Canada’s divorce laws. She thought that after having moved for him once, this time he would stay for her.

‘You can be a lawyer anywhere,’ he had said, seemingly not understanding at all what he was asking of her. And when she didn’t budge, he was gone. She had sworn to herself she wouldn’t cry a single tear for that chauvinist pig!

She liked what she saw in the mirror. She couldn’t wait to slip out of these tight black jeans after walking around in them the entire evening. They did make her ass look good, though. She could hardly blame any man, or the occasional woman, for turning their head. Her purple blouse was just a little see-through, revealing the black lacy bra underneath to the careful observer. She had cut her hair fairly short after the breakup, but it had almost grown back to shoulder-length since then.

She went on to take off her earrings. Mostly, she wore them for work. But she thought they made her look classy, so she had put them on for today’s private outing as well.

After taking off the right earring, she stepped away from the mirror and walked toward the little jewelry box she treasured so much. Frankly, its design was very old-fashioned and looked out of place in this modern bedroom. But her grandmother had given her this box as a gift for her 16th birthday, just months before she passed away. Whenever she looked at it, Leah recalled fond memories of her.

She gently placed the earring inside the box and then reached for the other one in her left ear. Before she could take it off, she suddenly felt a large hand clamp down on her mouth. She tried to scream, but the leather glove muffled her voice. Panicked, she grabbed the arm of her attacker, but couldn’t tear his hand away from her mouth.

The sensation of his hard dick pressing against her ass made his intentions clear: this wasn’t a robbery. The realization made her jump. The sudden movement caught her attacker off guard. He lost his balance and stumbled a few steps backward as he struggled to subdue her in his arms.

He bumped into the mirror with his back. For a moment, it seemed like nothing happened. But when he took a step toward the bed with Leah still fighting tooth and nail against his grip, it became clear they had dislodged the mirror. It fell off the wall and burst into pieces scattered on the floor.

The broken mirror created a brief distraction, the smallest chance for Leah to act while his grip loosened for just a second, and she was determined to use it. She rammed her elbow into his liver, forcing a pained grunt out of his mouth. She escaped from his hold and made a dash for the door.

But before she got out of his reach, he grabbed her blouse at the collar. The fabric of her favorite top stretched and tore as he yanked her back toward him. He wrapped both his arms around her, not bothering to cover her mouth this time. Avoiding any further complications, he made them both fall onto the bed, burying her firmly underneath his heavier body.

She was still wriggling and struggling with all her might, but he had her pinned down. She was lying on her stomach while he was sitting on her ass. The tear in her blouse gave him direct access to her bra. He could have easily unclasped it, but ripping it off her body was just more fun. Now all he had to do was turn her around and finally get a good look at those tits. He couldn’t remember how often he had imagined Leah giving him a titjob while he jerked off to her.

“Get off me, you bastard!”

He heard her familiar voice shout at him. She was as defiant and proud as ever, even in this position. He turned her around. The remnants of her blouse were still covering her breasts, but with her bra already gone, he could see her nipples poking through. The thin, see-through fabric gave her tits a mouth-watering allure.

He reached out for her chest to tear the rest of her blouse from her body. It was already too late when he noticed that she had managed to free one of her legs while he turned her around. He felt her right foot connect with his chin, the force of her kick disorienting him for a moment.

She got on her feet immediately, ready to jump off the bed. But she slipped on the satin sheets and fell back to her knees. She resorted to quickly crawling off the bed instead. She had almost made it off when she felt his gloved hand grab her left ankle. He pulled her back once again. She let out a desperate scream while she dug her fingers into the mattress, trying to withstand the gravity of his grip. But there was no escape.

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edit: I gave the story a massive overhaul on April 17 2026. The old version can still be read in comparison in that spoiler. I hope the difference in quality is apparent.

[LaLia]

The English name Leah is pronounced the same as my own. It's funny and the story starts off with a smile.

Very detailed and well-written, and while I've often criticized your stories for being a bit softer, this one isn't, and it's interesting to read something different. I like stories with a lot of plot and complex characters, but I also like a simple story that's quick to read.

While reading the story, I kept thinking it was the ex, because it was immediately noticeable that he didn't give himself away with words.

[Blue]

I think this story is very well written. A typical home rape, the kind I often imagine.
Because it describes the perspectives of both the victim and the perpetrator, it's easy to empathize with both.
The description of the actual crime also seems quite authentic to me. At least I couldn't find any logical errors.
Please, more of this!

[Claire]

@LaLia I'm glad you liked it. I usually try to evoke a sense of brutality with the descriptions of what's happening and less so with the actions themselves. But @Mister X for example told me in the past that he liked the emphasis put on the physical struggle in this one. Maybe you and him have similar tastes. I remember having doubts whether the back and forth of Leah's escape attempts and Marvin grabbing her and holding her back would have that nice flow I imagined it to have. I'm still not entirely sure whether this worked 100%, but I do like that Marvin's assault did not go as smooth as he imagined. I think that part holds up nicely.

@Blue I appreciate the kind words. I will probably not write stories like this again. Most of the time when I write something, I want to explore a certain idea and once I have done that, I usually have little interest in revisiting that same idea. This here is, in my opinion, the weakest story I ever wrote and whatever appeal it had for me at the time is mostly gone by now. But never say never, maybe I could whip up something like this again for the right contest?

[Blue]

@ Claire:
Warum ist das deiner Meinung nach deine schwächste Geschichte? Ich finde sie besser als einige andere, die du hier oder auf RavishU gepostet hast.

[Claire]

@ Claire:
Why do you think this is your weakest story? I think it's better than some others you've posted here or on RavishU. (Translated from German by DeepL)

Interesting question. Let me be extremely critical of this story, more than I ever would be of anybody else's story. That will be fun.

Let's begin with the title. I think it's ok. It makes you wonder what that misstep might be that it is talking about and after reading the story you obviously do understand what it refers to. But it is just a cheap hook without any deeper meaning. It's a simple mystery box that loses its pull once you understand what it is about. It's better than some very generic rape fantasy titles like "Leah's torment" or "The taking of Leah", but nothing special either.

Similarly, the secret of the identity of the rapist is also just a cheap mystery box to keep the reader guessing who it might be without any deeper meaning behind it. It might pull you in for the first time you are reading this but it is nothing special that stays interesting once the secret has been revealed. It's a cheap narrative trick without substance.

The characters are barely fleshed out. Leah might be a bit more detailed in her characterization than the average victim in a rape short story but calling her a particularly memorable character would be a bad joke. That is even more true for the rapist who is as one note and cliché as it gets.

Then I would say that the climax of the story lacks a proper build up. It lacks any significant emotional impact and has no thematic tie ins with well... anything. It's a bit boring, very generic. And that leads probably to the biggest weakness of the story overall: It is completely forgettable. Stories like this exist a dime a dozen, there is nothing unique about this. It is the one story I wrote where I tend to forget what names I came up with for the characters. Whereas I believe that most stories I wrote could be easily identified as a Claire-story by someone with a careful eye and some familiarity with my writing, I don't believe this to be the case for this story. You might be able to identify it as being written by me by the formatting of the dialogue, but by the writing itself? I'm not so sure.

If I have to give the story credit for something, it is the use of the mirror. First, it is used early on when Leah stands in front of it, then it shatters in her struggle with her rapist and it comes back in the end when he steps on the shard that ultimately reveals his identity. I think that works quite well, it feels like the story is coming full circle there.

So what is this story? Fast food. Tasty, maybe? But there is nothing to it beyond the fleeting moment of consumption. Nothing to think about, no emotional gut punch to recover from, no unique idea that was explored, no moments that stick out in particular.

It is hardly fair to compare this short story to my longer stories, but even if you just compare it to You and It's okay, I feel a little lonely, too. which are short stories of a similar length in English, the difference in quality is glaring. These stories have better writing, characters, relevant themes, proper build up for the climax, memorable moments and a unique identity. They are certainly more demanding, harder to digest if you want to stick with the food metaphor, and thus less accessible maybe? But they are superior in almost every way.

[Lucius]

@Claire first had Leah assaulted, then assaulted her own story! :D There are seeds of Men at War in the characters of Marvin of Leah. The woman's lucky Marvin hadn't find that particular men's rights activist group!

[Claire]

@Claire first had Leah assaulted, then assaulted her own story! :D There are seeds of Men at War in the characters of Marvin of Leah. The woman's lucky Marvin hadn't find that particular men's rights activist group!

Who knows who I am gonna assault next!

Interesting that you see the connection to Men at War. The day after I had finished this one here, I started writing Men at War.

And Leah being lucky that she didn't get to meet the Men at War guys? Come on, those are so nice! Don't you remember how sweet Elizabeth was at the end of that story? I'm sure they could have mediated between Leah and Marvin. Maybe even her ex could have been a part of that "conversation".

[Lucius]

And Leah being lucky that she didn't get to meet the Men at War guys? Come on, those are so nice! Don't you remember how sweet Elizabeth was at the end of that story? I'm sure they could have mediated between Leah and Marvin. ...

Yep, they have quite a few long, thick 'mediators' -- and they aren't afraid to use 'em!

[SoftGameHunter]

It's funny. Even before the end, I was thinking to myself, this guy is leaving a lot of DNA evidence around. He'd better hope none of his ever makes it into a national database, ever. Of course, that goes out the window if she can tell the cops who to test.

Then there's a bit of fridge horror after the ending sinks in. Sure, she can identify him, but only if she's alive to report it. It's like all the movies where the bad guy says "You've seen my face. How unfortunate for you." Marvin may not feel like a killer, but faced with a life-ending prison term or getting away with it, he might go a darker direction. The real misstep may well have been Leah's, speaking up as she did.